Funny Spielberg

A Chinese walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven Spielberg.

As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph.

Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says, “You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Harbour, get outta here.”

The astonished Chinese man replied, “It was not the Chinese who bombed your Pearl Harbour, it was the Japanese”.

“Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you’re all the same,” replied Spielberg.

In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says, “You sank the Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship.”

Shocked Spielberg replies, “It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me.”

The Chinese replies, “Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you’re all the same.”

Filed under: humor, jokes , fun stuff, funny jokes., funny stuff, humor, jokes

Some more marriage quotes

———————————————————————
Men have a better time than women;

for one thing, they marry later; for another thing, they die earlier.
–H. L. Mencken

———————————————————————

When a newly married couple smiles, everyone knows why.
When a ten-year married couple smiles, everyone wonders why.

———————————————————————

Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener.

———————————————————————-

When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing:

either the car is new or the wife.

———————————————————————

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back to home always.

–Anonymous

———————————————————————-

Filed under: Marriage jokes, humor, jokes , humor, jokes, Marriage jokes

The Stock Market

Once upon a time in a village, a man appeared and announced to thevillagers that he would buy monkeys for Rs10. The villagers seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest and started catching them.
The man bought thousands at Rs10 and as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their effort. He further announced that he would now buy at Rs20. This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again.
Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to their farms. The offer rate increased to Rs25 and the supply of monkeys became so little that it was an effort to even see a monkey, let alone catch it!
The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at Rs50! However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now buy on behalf of him.
In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers. Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has collected. I will sell them to you at Rs35 and when the man returns from the city, you can sell it to him for Rs50.
The villagers squeezed up with all their savings and bought all the monkeys. Then they never saw the man nor his assistant, only monkeys everywhere!!!

Filed under: Stock market jokes, humor, jokes , funny jokes., humor, jokes, Stock market jokes

Shut-Up

Shut-up

Filed under: Funny pictures, humor, jokes , Funny pics, Funny pictures, humor, jokes

Do Men Remember Anniversaries?

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed.

She puts on her dressing gown and goes downstairs to look for him.

She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.

She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.

‘What’s the matter, dear?’ she whispers as she steps into the room, ‘Why are you down here at this time of night?’

The husband looks up from his coffee, ‘I am just remembering when we first met 20 years ago and started dating. You were only 16. Do you remember back then?’ he says solemnly.

The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring, so sensitive.

‘Yes, I do’ she replies.

The husband pauses. The words were not coming easily.

‘Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?’

‘Yes, I remember!’ said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

The husband continues. ‘Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, ‘Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?’

‘I remember that too’ she replies softly.

He wipes another tear from his cheek and says…

‘I would have been released today.’

Filed under: Marriage jokes, humor, jokes , humor, jokes, Marriage jokes

Some good quotes on Marriage

Every man should get married some time;

After all, happiness is not the only thing in life!!

–Anonymous

———————————————————————

Bachelors should be heavily taxed.

It is not fair that some men should be happier than others.

–Oscar Wilde

———————————————————————-

Don’t marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper.

–Scottish Proverb

———————————————————————-

I don’t worry about terrorism.

I was married for two years.

–Sam Kinison

———————————————————————

A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly parted mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, ‘Why did u have to die? Why did you have to die?” The first man approached him and said, “Sir, I don’t wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain in is more than I’ve ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?”

The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied “My wife’s first husband.”

Filed under: Marriage jokes, humor, jokes , humor, jokes, Marriage jokes

What a kick?

What a kick?

Filed under: Funny pictures, humor, jokes , Funny pics, Funny pictures, humor

Tasty, Tasty

Tasty food for today

Filed under: Funny pictures, humor, jokes , Funny pics, Funny pictures, humor

A Special Dinner

Once a hunter went to a forest and killed a deer and brought it home to cook for dinner.

At the dining table when the cooked deer was served the sons asked him, what the animal was. As a response the father said, “I would ask you a riddle. Answer it and you will get the name of the animal”.

The sons agreed.

So the father said, “The name of the animal is a term that you mother uses to call me”.

Suddenly the elder son jumped from his chair and screamed at the younger one, “Bro, don’t eat this flesh. He has cooked a dog”.

Filed under: Jokes at home, humor, jokes , dinner jokes, funny jokes., humor, hunter jokes, jokes

Say Cheese

Filed under: Funny pictures, humor , funny picstures, fuuny pics, humor, jokes