Smart answers by students -

Age -

Teacher: How old is your father.

Sunny:As old as I am.

Teacher:How is it possible?

Sunny:He became father only after I was born.

Abbreviation -

Question:What is the fullform of maths.

Answer: Mentally affected teachers harassing students

Colin came home from the pub late one Friday evening stinking drunk, as
he often did, and crept into bed beside his wife who was already asleep.
He gave her a peck on the cheek and fell asleep. When he awoke he found
a strange man standing at the end of his bed wearing a long flowing
white robe.

“Who the hell are you?” Demanded Colin, “and what are you doing in my
bedroom?”.

The mysterious Man answered, “This isn’t your bedroom and I’m St
Peter”.

Colin was stunned “You mean I’m dead!!! That can’t be, I have so much
to live for, I haven’t said goodbye to my family….you’ve got to send
me back straight away”.

St Peter replied “Yes, you can be reincarnated but there is a catch. We
can only send you back as a dog or a hen.”

Colin was devastated, but knowing there was a farm not far from his
house, he asked to be sent back as a hen. A flash of light later he was
covered in feathers and clucking around pecking the ground.

“This ain’t so bad” he thought until he felt this strange feeling
welling up inside him.

The farmyard rooster strolled over and said, “So you’re the new hen,
How are you enjoying your first day here?”
“It’s
not so bad” replies Colin, “but I have this strange feeling
Inside like I’m about to explode”.

“You’re ovulating” explained the rooster, “don’t tell me you’ve never
laid an egg before”. “Never” replies Colin “Well just relax and let it
happen”

And so he did and after a few uncomfortable seconds later, an egg pops
out from under his tail. An immense feeling of relief swept over him and
his emotions got the better of him as he experienced motherhood for the
first time. When he laid his second egg, the feeling of happiness was
overwhelming and he knew that being reincarnated as a hen was the best
thing that ever happened to him…ever!!!

The joy kept coming and as he was just about to lay his third egg he
felt an enormous smack on the back of his head and heard his wife
shouting -

“Colin, wake up you drunken idiot, you’re sh*tting in the bed”

A young unmarried girl discovers that she is pregnant. 

Scared, She confides this ‘ news’ to her mother.

Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, “Who was the pig that did this to you?

I want to know!” The girl picks up the phone and makes a call.

Half an hour later a Ferrari stops in front of their house; a mature and distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably dressed in a very expensive suit steps out of it and enters the house.

He sits in the living room with the father, the mother and the Girl, and tells them: “Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. However, I can’t marry her because of my personal family situation, but I’ll take responsibility.

“If a girl is born I will bequeath her 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beach villa and a $1,000,000 bank account. If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $2,000,000 bank account.”

“If it is twins, a factory and $1,000,000 each. However, If there is a miscarriage or unsucessful delivery , what do you suggest I do?”

At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man’s shoulder and tells him, “You can try again!……………”

PRINCESS DIANA : When you rearrange the letters: END IS A CAR SPIN

MONICA LEWINSKY: When you rearrange the letters: NICE SILKY WOMAN  

DORMITORY: When you rearrange the letters: DIRTY ROOM  

ASTRONOMER: When you rearrange the letters: MOON STARER

DESPERATION: When you rearrange the letters: A ROPE ENDS IT

THE EYES: When you rearrange the letters: THEY SEE

A DECIMAL POINT: When you rearrange the letters: IM A DOT IN PLACE

AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:

MOTHER-IN-LAW: When you rearrange the letters: WOMAN HITLER