The Motherly feeling

Colin came home from the pub late one Friday evening stinking drunk, as
he often did, and crept into bed beside his wife who was already asleep.
He gave her a peck on the cheek and fell asleep. When he awoke he found
a strange man standing at the end of his bed wearing a long flowing
white robe.

“Who the hell are you?” Demanded Colin, “and what are you doing in my
bedroom?”.

The mysterious Man answered, “This isn’t your bedroom and I’m St
Peter”.

Colin was stunned “You mean I’m dead!!! That can’t be, I have so much
to live for, I haven’t said goodbye to my family….you’ve got to send
me back straight away”.

St Peter replied “Yes, you can be reincarnated but there is a catch. We
can only send you back as a dog or a hen.”

Colin was devastated, but knowing there was a farm not far from his
house, he asked to be sent back as a hen. A flash of light later he was
covered in feathers and clucking around pecking the ground.

“This ain’t so bad” he thought until he felt this strange feeling
welling up inside him.

The farmyard rooster strolled over and said, “So you’re the new hen,
How are you enjoying your first day here?”
“It’s
not so bad” replies Colin, “but I have this strange feeling
Inside like I’m about to explode”.

“You’re ovulating” explained the rooster, “don’t tell me you’ve never
laid an egg before”. “Never” replies Colin “Well just relax and let it
happen”

And so he did and after a few uncomfortable seconds later, an egg pops
out from under his tail. An immense feeling of relief swept over him and
his emotions got the better of him as he experienced motherhood for the
first time. When he laid his second egg, the feeling of happiness was
overwhelming and he knew that being reincarnated as a hen was the best
thing that ever happened to him…ever!!!

The joy kept coming and as he was just about to lay his third egg he
felt an enormous smack on the back of his head and heard his wife
shouting -

“Colin, wake up you drunken idiot, you’re sh*tting in the bed”

Filed under: Jokes at home, Other jokes, jokes , humor, jokes, Jokes at home

Newly wed girl

A newlywed girl was being welcomed at the husband’s home in a traditional manner.

She was asked to give a little speech. She addressed as follows:

“My dear family members, I thank you for welcoming me in my new home and family”, she said. “I would not want to create any inconvenience with my presence. I mean that I don’t want you all to change your way of life, your routine.”

“What do you mean my child?” asked the Head of the family.

“What I mean Dad is:

Those who used to wash dishes must carry on washing them.
Those who used to do the laundry must carry on doing it.
Those who cooked shouldn’t stop on my account.
Those who used to clean should clean.

As for me, I am here just to entertain your son!”

Filed under: Jokes at home , , jokes, Jokes at home, newly wed jokes